Real life has affected underground hip hop, and in turn the underground hip hop has spawned many underground cultures all over the nation and influenced music as a whole. Alternative/hip hop artists are attempting to bring back what they think is the original message of hip hop. They are emphasizing messages of community unity, verbal skill, and activism, instead of materialism, drugs, gang violence, and gender degradation. They are tired of the "gangsta rap" movement where flashy rappers flaunt exuberant materialism and irregard for the improvement of their community. Artists such as Jurassic 5, Mos Def, and Talib Kweli sought to bring back a sense of community, brothers helping out one another to better their living condition and promote peace. They also address many issues that are faced today such as racism and poverty. With their catchy hooks, intricate rhetoric, and electronic beats, they send a message to their listeners all across the nation and the world.
In turn, having been affected by real life and their situations to produce an underground movement, the movement has affected real life as well. These artists have spread their message all across different areas, transcending different ethnic and socioeconomic boundaries. White kids in the suburbs and urban city dwellers have been affected by the music and the message of these underground preachers, and have in turn created a greater sense of community. Many artists of this subgenre have had their political statements transmitted through sound waves and affected populations. Alternative hip hop artists from Africa have spoken out against genocide that is widespread and prevalent in their countries.
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Good observations and clear written style (you presented your idea and followed through with concrete examples). However, start with a clear statement, rephrasing the question and adding what position you are taking. You hinted at your opinion or viewpoint on the issue, but didn't make an explicit statement. You can add sentences that state: "I think that..." or "I argue that..."
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